IUI # 1 Sucked!

DH and I went in for our first IUI today and it didn’t go too well. We had 1 maybe 2 million sperm post wash. Our RE said she could still do it because we were already there and it wouldn’t hurt anything, but not to get too optimistic. So the next step is for DH to go up to Dartmouth (big hospital in NH)  and get a more in depth SA. Our RE is pretty sure IVF will be our next stop. So that’s where we are.

IUI tomorrow!

I managed to wake up and give myself the HCG shot this morning, in all actuallity I didn't really get to sleep because I was too worried about waking up and not missing the alarm. So I got done and noticed it was red and swollen so I panicked because I am nerotic. I was sitting on my computer till 3:30 AM googling symptoms and what not. I am a crazy person. How am I going to raise a child when I am constantly nervious, espeically when I had read the directions, and than did everything step by step even though I know what to do. I suppose I'd rather be causious than sorry in the long run. Soooo now we wait till  2PM tomorrow, bring J's sample over and than go back at 3PM for the actual treatment. I am a little nervous but so ready! I am starting to get a little more opptimistic about the whole thing, and really hope this is our turn.

My Date with The Dildo Cam.

If you don't know what the dildo cam is than you are lucky. Basically it is just the camera used for internal ultrasounds, don't get me wrong it didn't hurt, it's just a little uncomfortable. Anyways I had my monitoring appointment today to see where my eggs were, if I had any, and how big they were. I had a lot of really small ones and 2 really good sized ones, one of them being REALLY good looking. So I have to get up at 3:00 AM!!! on Wednsday to trigger and than Thurdays at 3:00 PM we do our treatment. Thursday sucks because we will be doing our treatment in between my classes that day, but I am not going to complain because hey atleast we have a chance at finally getting pregnant. And no I am not opptomistic yet that this will work, I probably won't be until J's sample is up and near the target. The doctor mistakingly told me his numbers may not wash well soo I have been freaking out about that for months now. I just want to be pregnant and done with this.

Started My Medication. sucks.

I started Clomid on Monday and I hate the side affects. The first day I was a little crampy, had a headache and hot flashes. Now if you live in New England you know how hot it has been the past couple of days, so here I am running on the treadmill ( I don't run outside, who wants people staring at them?) and all of the sudden my chest felt like it was onfire and was radiating up to my face. It has taken everything I have to finish my running this week, and that is so not like me. Tuesday it was much of the same thing, but an added level of blahness( yes I made up my own word). Today much of the same thing, but more cramping and headaches. I know on The Bump ladies have mentioned symptoms going on past the 5 days of taking the pills, holy hell I hope that is not the case for me. Oh and the bloating can go away too. I work out 5 days a week and eat healthy all the time. I have put on a pound in a half and CANNOT take it off for the life of me. This shit sucks.

Another thing I want to share is reading material if you are going through infertility you might be like me and want to read as much as you can and get some inspiration from other women who have gone through the same thing. I do this by reading other women's blogs and have bought a couple of books. One I am reading right now is " Every Drunken Cheerleader, Why Not Me?" I really like it, I love her writing style and I have come to terms with some of the feelings I've had towards other women with children and who talk about their children ALL the time. I am in no way over it and it is still hard and I love that I have my blog to vent even if no one reads it, everyone going through Infertility is going to need to vent and have encouragement every once in awhile. So if anyone reads this and is looking for a great book for inspirartion and just to read about someone else going through this I highly suggest it.

Oh and a stupid infertile comment I recieved recently involved a conversation with a former co-worker. She knows what I have been going through and she asked me how everything was going. I told her I am sick of it I don't like the medication, the waiting and the 2 years I have wasted. She looked at me and said " but you just started the process." this annoyed me because yes I just started treatment, but there is a lot of things that lead up to this including the 3 years I have been off birth control, all the testing the ups and downs of being ready to do treatment and than not being ready. I don't like feeling like my feelings aren't valid because I am not on my 6th IUI or 3rd IVF.  Now that I have vented, time to pop another pill.

Memorial Day weekend!

J and I just got back from a great weekend of camping. We slept on the other side of the camper from my parents and my little sister slept in her tent. My niece was sick and ended up getting a double ear infection so that part sucked, but the rest was pretty fun. It was a defenitley needed.

Also, today I started my first round of Clomid. I have to take this till Friday and than next week the ultrasounds start and than the actually treatment. Oh and classes start up again so it is going to be a crazy couple of weeks. I am excited to actually be getting a chance at getting pregnant, but I don't really feel it will happen on the first try.

Oh hi AF, I was looking for you.

No need to jump over the deep end and get a pregnanct test while I'm out today, I got my period this morning. I knew it was coming and I am excited to be moving on and having a fighting chance to get pregnant, however I was holding out some kind of hope we would have gotten pregnant on the last cycle before treatment. So from the way things look right now I start Clomid on Monday to Friday, than have a monitoring appointment the following Monday to see where our egg(s) are and if their mature enough to trigger, hopefully trigger will be close to monday and THAN IUI 36 hours after that. It's going to be a busy 2 weeks. School starts on the 31st which is smack dab in the middle of it all,but I have confidence we will be ok and get through everything. I am causious about how excited we get though because reading up on IUI's I'm not opptimistic it will happen in the first cycle or really at all. I have seen a lot of women who had like 5 IUI's and they didn't work. I hope to not have to move on to IVF although insurence will pay for it. Oh and we are covered for 3 IUI's so that is a realife.
Ok off here, I have to head to work this morning and than get things ready to go camping!

Where the hell is CD1?

I am waiting for my next cycle to start and it doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon. The one month when we are already to go just waiting and my cycle decides to have the longest LP of all time. ( for me anyways not of all time all time). Usually when I take a pregnancy test my period starts so I am thinking of wasting the money to buy one so the next cycle will start. Plus I can save the second one for next cycle when I actually have a fighting chance at being pregnant.
This weekend is Memorial Day Weekend and I cannot wait. J and I are going camping with my mom dad and little sister, oh and my 2 year old niece. we will be gone from Friday to Monday and I only have to work for a couple hours on Sunday so I really will be able to relax most of the weekend. I plan on napping, and reading a lot!  I have about 5 books waiting for me in my Kindle. Oh and I am definetley NOT going to the BBQ at my BIL and SIL's this weekend.