Started My Medication. sucks.

I started Clomid on Monday and I hate the side affects. The first day I was a little crampy, had a headache and hot flashes. Now if you live in New England you know how hot it has been the past couple of days, so here I am running on the treadmill ( I don't run outside, who wants people staring at them?) and all of the sudden my chest felt like it was onfire and was radiating up to my face. It has taken everything I have to finish my running this week, and that is so not like me. Tuesday it was much of the same thing, but an added level of blahness( yes I made up my own word). Today much of the same thing, but more cramping and headaches. I know on The Bump ladies have mentioned symptoms going on past the 5 days of taking the pills, holy hell I hope that is not the case for me. Oh and the bloating can go away too. I work out 5 days a week and eat healthy all the time. I have put on a pound in a half and CANNOT take it off for the life of me. This shit sucks.

Another thing I want to share is reading material if you are going through infertility you might be like me and want to read as much as you can and get some inspiration from other women who have gone through the same thing. I do this by reading other women's blogs and have bought a couple of books. One I am reading right now is " Every Drunken Cheerleader, Why Not Me?" I really like it, I love her writing style and I have come to terms with some of the feelings I've had towards other women with children and who talk about their children ALL the time. I am in no way over it and it is still hard and I love that I have my blog to vent even if no one reads it, everyone going through Infertility is going to need to vent and have encouragement every once in awhile. So if anyone reads this and is looking for a great book for inspirartion and just to read about someone else going through this I highly suggest it.

Oh and a stupid infertile comment I recieved recently involved a conversation with a former co-worker. She knows what I have been going through and she asked me how everything was going. I told her I am sick of it I don't like the medication, the waiting and the 2 years I have wasted. She looked at me and said " but you just started the process." this annoyed me because yes I just started treatment, but there is a lot of things that lead up to this including the 3 years I have been off birth control, all the testing the ups and downs of being ready to do treatment and than not being ready. I don't like feeling like my feelings aren't valid because I am not on my 6th IUI or 3rd IVF.  Now that I have vented, time to pop another pill.

Memorial Day weekend!

J and I just got back from a great weekend of camping. We slept on the other side of the camper from my parents and my little sister slept in her tent. My niece was sick and ended up getting a double ear infection so that part sucked, but the rest was pretty fun. It was a defenitley needed.

Also, today I started my first round of Clomid. I have to take this till Friday and than next week the ultrasounds start and than the actually treatment. Oh and classes start up again so it is going to be a crazy couple of weeks. I am excited to actually be getting a chance at getting pregnant, but I don't really feel it will happen on the first try.

Oh hi AF, I was looking for you.

No need to jump over the deep end and get a pregnanct test while I'm out today, I got my period this morning. I knew it was coming and I am excited to be moving on and having a fighting chance to get pregnant, however I was holding out some kind of hope we would have gotten pregnant on the last cycle before treatment. So from the way things look right now I start Clomid on Monday to Friday, than have a monitoring appointment the following Monday to see where our egg(s) are and if their mature enough to trigger, hopefully trigger will be close to monday and THAN IUI 36 hours after that. It's going to be a busy 2 weeks. School starts on the 31st which is smack dab in the middle of it all,but I have confidence we will be ok and get through everything. I am causious about how excited we get though because reading up on IUI's I'm not opptimistic it will happen in the first cycle or really at all. I have seen a lot of women who had like 5 IUI's and they didn't work. I hope to not have to move on to IVF although insurence will pay for it. Oh and we are covered for 3 IUI's so that is a realife.
Ok off here, I have to head to work this morning and than get things ready to go camping!

Where the hell is CD1?

I am waiting for my next cycle to start and it doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon. The one month when we are already to go just waiting and my cycle decides to have the longest LP of all time. ( for me anyways not of all time all time). Usually when I take a pregnancy test my period starts so I am thinking of wasting the money to buy one so the next cycle will start. Plus I can save the second one for next cycle when I actually have a fighting chance at being pregnant.
This weekend is Memorial Day Weekend and I cannot wait. J and I are going camping with my mom dad and little sister, oh and my 2 year old niece. we will be gone from Friday to Monday and I only have to work for a couple hours on Sunday so I really will be able to relax most of the weekend. I plan on napping, and reading a lot!  I have about 5 books waiting for me in my Kindle. Oh and I am definetley NOT going to the BBQ at my BIL and SIL's this weekend.

Family and Infertility....suck.

I know I complain about my SIL a lot and it may be because I am bitter and jealous of her children and the fact it took her a total 2 months for the first and 1 month for the second. Or it could also be that she is a little insensitive to what J and I are going through. I tend to think it is a little bit of both. My SIL tagged me in her daughter's dance photos and she is constanly calling me saying her girls miss me and want to see me, she seems to expect me to come over more than once a week to play with the girls. She is constantly asking me to "help" her with the girls becuase she can't take care of both of them at the same time. J thinks I am oversensitive, but honestly NO ONE understands what I am going through not having a body that works properly, I mean really this is what women are made for right? to bare children.
Today is definetely a low day for me in this infertility journey. I am in limbo waiting for my period to start so I can begin taking crappy meds and give myself shots with needles I'm terrifyed of, and possibly after doing all this to my body, find out that my husbands numbers suck and didn't wash well and waste another whole cycle.
Infertility sucks and sometimes so does my family. I feel so alone sometimes.

updates.

I didn't realize it had been so long since I posted last. Not much is going on, I should be getting AF soon so finally we will be starting our IUI in the next 2 weeks! My husband's Cystic Fibrosis screening came back and he was negative! That was a huge relief. I had an HSG done, this basically checks my tubes to make sure they were clear, all was well, the doctor said she has never used such little dye and had it go through tubes so quickly. So on the baby front things are FINALLY moving along.

In other news I am a little annoyed. My BIL and SIL are having a BBQ next weekend and only people with kids are apparently invited, and as you can probably guess that means J and I weren't invited. This isn't the first time this has happened either. Last year when the whole family went to Maine, J and I weren't invited to the zoo with everyone else and when they had a truck show in town last summer we weren't invited then, oh and when they went to a local farm we weren't invited than either. Plus when we have family get togethers it revolves around when BIL, SIL and they're kids are able to come or depends on when the kids naps are. It's annoying and quite inconsiderate. I hope they realize that when J and I  have children it will no longer be all about them and their schedule.